Hey….so I guess this blog still exists. You wouldn’t know it though since I dropped off the face of the Earth (the Earth being this blog.) But recently I have been on the receiving end of some prodding to get back on the horse (the horse also being this blog.)
So, this is for you Mama Umbridge and Spinster Wife (#Oxymoron #theonlytwopeoplethatreadthisblog #”this”beingmedoingmorestuffonthisblog.)
And I will try not to suck for your sakes.
It would appear that Washington has caught up with the rest of the country in the heat department.
This is a problem for the following reasons:
Yes, it’s true. Not the hair, but definitely the skin. This means that the only way for me to prevent sunburns is to wear a full-on burka. However, I can barely handle 80 degrees in a swimsuit, so 95 in a burka is probably not a viable option. Plus, I don’t want to end up on the Terrorist Watchlist.
*Disclaimer: I do not believe that being Muslm makes you a terrorist.
Anyway, because I cannot wear a burka, I am instead forced to turn on Vampire Mode. This means avoiding the light at all cost, because if I’m exposed to the sun, I will most likely die.
So until things cool down, I will probably be holed up in my house in a bath tub of ice water.
Okay, so, apparently I’m really bad at this. Considering how much time I spend on the internet, I don’t spend very much time on this blog. Hopefully, now that summer is here, I’ll actually have some exciting things to talk about.
Plus I have no life so I’ll probably have lots of time on my hands.
So…anyway….that’s pretty much all I have to say for now. To make up for the fact that I have nothing witty to say at the moment, I will show you a that I find highly amusing.
So the other day I was driving to school. You know, just minding my own business, flipping through my radio stations. I hear a song come on, and I say to myself, “Huh…never heard this one before. I’ll wait to hear the chorus.”
Little did I know that pausing to listen to this song would cause me hours of psychological torment.
What song is it that has caused you so much pain you may ask?
This one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic
This video has literally no redeeming qualities.
So anyway, I heard the chorus and actually elected to listen to fundraising on NPR instead. Alas, my efforts to block out that song have been futile.
It has been stuck in head for over 24 hours now. By about the third hour, I somehow managed to channel my anguish into art.
Okay, just sing these words to the tune of the chorus:
Hey, I can’t stand this
I’m going crazy
So take my life please
Just kill me quickly!
Beautiful, isn’t it? What can I say, it’s a gift.
But seriously, 24 hours! And during like 32 of them I was taking the ACT. The only noises I heard while testing were my hunger pains and the sound of my own brain collapsing in on itself.
What does a brain sound like when it’s collapsing in on itself, you ask?
Like this.
So. My Pinterest feed has been doing this thing where it doesn’t update. This has caused me an undue amount of frustration. You see, my friend, I love Pinterest. This picture pretty much explains my Pinterest experience.
I don’t even know why I like it. I attempt to justify the time I spend through the following ways:
And so on. The relationship I have with Pinterest is like that of boys and car magazines: I spend a lot of time looking even though I know I will never be able to own anything I see.
So, anyway, now my Pinterest feed won’t update. I checked the support page to ensure that this very pressing issue was being dealt with. I saw that It was. It has since been about 48 hours, and I have checked that support page about 6 times. And my feed has yet to update. It has honestly been one of my biggest annoyances of the week, which is really saying something.
Since the time that it has been down, I have begun reading Les Miserables for the second time, gotten ahead on my homework, and done a bunch of laundry and cleaning.
If Facebook went down too, I’m pretty sure I could end world hunger.
Like many young women, I have been inundated with the world’s beauty ideals since birth. However, unlike my contemporaries, I am not concerned with having prominent rib bones and skin reminiscent of the dust left at the bottom of a Cheeto bag.
That, being said, I do want to be healthy and look my best.
Accordingly, I have tried multiple times to form habits to allow me to do so. The exercising habits have stuck pretty well. Unfortunately, the eating one has not. Why is this? Well, I will tell you.
My relationship with food is like that of a girl and her abusive boyfriend. I don’t need to keep going back to it, but I do. Even when I’m completely full, I’ll never say no to food. It doesn’t matter if I’m happy, sad, mad, whenever. It’s a problem. I eat to reward myself, and also to console myself. And also when I’m bored. And when I’m reading. Watching tv. At school.
And so on.
Luckily, my metabolism is fast enough that I’m not actually overweight (yet.) The media has not warped my view of myself to the point where I’m always telling my friends, ” Oh my gosh, you guys, I’m sooo fat! Look at stomach! That is FAT! No don’t tell me I’m skinny, I’m soooo fat!”
However, I know I could be doing better. So, the other day I decided that I was really going to stick to eating healthy/less food. Thiz desire came about after I realized I had just eaten three cupcakes. Determined to be able to wear a bathing-suit unashamedly this summer, I inwardly declared, “No more!” Essentially, I was breaking-up with the metaphorical abusive boyfriend.
To go along with my new diet plan, I decided to step up my workout. As I jogged along to my newly-created “workout” playlist on my iPod, I imagined all of the clothes I would be able to wear once I became fit and toned. After I finished, I congratulated myself on taking the first step towards becoming awesome. However, apparently my subconscious desire for food was stronger than my conscious desire to not turn into a whale, because before I knew it I was eating a waffle.
And ice cream.
The sad thing is that I DON’T EVEN LIKE WAFFLES. I don’t even like waffles. Plus they give me hiccups. And yet I still allowed them to ruin my diet plan after about two hours of starting.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
So….I’m starting a blog.
It’s kind of exciting.
I’m sure you can tell how excited I am due to my excessive use of emoticons, exclamation points, and unnecessary capitalization.
Actually, you can’t, because there isn’t any of that.
But trust me, I am kind of excited.
Anyways, this blog. I’m not exactly sure what it’s going to entail. As of this moment, I’m thinking it’s just going to be the daily ramblings of myself. But people probably aren’t going to enjoy that so…we’ll see what it evolves into. So for now, hello friend.
